Welcoming Myself 2.0

I’m back to where I once was and it feels good. It feels like I’ve been welcomed back again. Nostalgia makes me reminisce, nostalgia also makes me realize it’s been so long. I still remember the parks from the viewpoint of my 11 year old self, and while I try to stay there longer, urgency pulls me aside. Experience tells me to cherish a moment but not for too long. Logic tells me it’s about hustle.  I feel like I’m being called, but the calls seem like distant echoes – I familiarize with them, yet they’ve grown old.  I will always hold vivid images of these in my head – I’ve held on for so long, but now I’ve come to accept that I’ve changed, and my 11 year old self would question every bit of it. I’m happy, I’ve grown, I’ve lived, and although it feels like coming home to the memories of a child, it also feels like those surroundings are now expecting me to rise.

 

Not A Good Feeling

I’ve been having lucid, frightening dreams.

I’ve been having dreams where the scenario is so familiar , so comfortable, yet so terrorizing.

My dreams have shown me that my comfort zone can be torn apart if I lingered around too long.

During a road-trip sorts, I fell asleep in the backseat of the car.

I was dreaming of driving without holding the steering.

The car glided straight, no bumps, not on cruise control.

It just went while I dozed off.

I suddenly felt the car veering.

The smoothness contorted to jagged.

I tried to wake myself up.

I was panicking.

My mind tried to move my body.

It tried to convince my limp self to hold the steering wheel but my limbs lay numb.

They lay paralyzed.

It was not pleasant.

I knew in a few seconds there’d be a terrible outcome but trying to move myself with my mind wasn’t working.

I was trapped in my dream.

Just as the pain of helplessness washed over me – my car jolted over a speed bump waking me up.

My heart beat heavily, my muscles were stiff whilst my head rested on my mom’s lap.

Being trapped in your own dream is not a good feeling.

Running

When Life tries to catch up with you and all you want to do is run from it.